Just kidding. My only enemy is the ghost that lives in my utility closet; he’s so dramatic.
My name is Andrea. I’m a 34-year-old comedy writer cursed to roam the planet hounded by a pack of feral dogs.
Two of the vicious beasts that shadow my every step
This will be my first year submitting to Pitch Wars, and I’m so excited! I would love to work with a fantastic mentor to polish my manuscript so it can live its #BestLife! I’m 100% ready to tear it down to the studs and rebuild it if necessary. I thrive on deadlines, caffeine, and the omnipresent fear of failure. Mostly, I’m here to connect with the Pitch Wars community and make new writing buddies – hey, that’s you!
MY PITCH WARS MANUSCRIPT
My satiric adult historical fantasy A WITCH’S GUIDE TO SURVIVING THE DARK AGES is Ocean’s Eleven meets The Princess Bride meets badass witches. If you prefer book comps, think The Relic Master meets The Princess Bride. What? I really like The Princess Bride!
Here, have an aesthetic! (all images royalty free via spark.adobe.com)
I don’t have a polished query just yet, so here’s a short synopsis. A con-artist hedge witch, a cash strapped nun, and a band of village idiots attempt the heist of the (13th) century to steal King John’s legendary treasure. Throw in a power-hungry Queen, add a dash of magic, and you’ve got an adventure! Who needs Robin Hood?!
This MS has been through either three or three thousand revisions. I honestly can’t tell at this point. So what’s one more?
I think we can all use some more laughter in our lives right now!
- A thrilling HEIST with lots of twists and turns!
- Undercover shenanigans!
- A tongue-in-cheek magic system!
- Witty banter!
- Complex women!
- Nuanced female friendships!
- A diverse cast of characters!
- A sweet love story!
- Figurative backstabbing!
- Literal backstabbing!
- NECROMANCY!
- 13th Century Gender Politics! I know, FINALLY!
JUST WHO DO I THINK I AM?
When I’m not busy photographing obese pigeons, I freelance in TV production. Yes I do know [insert celebrity], yes they are [insert adjective], and yes they are part of an underground cult that worships lemmings… I mean, [insert rumor].
Outside of work, I love hiking, crafting, and curating my cats’ Instagram feed. They’re kind of a big deal. I have three cats and two dogs and I’m banned from volunteering at the local animal shelter (by me). I’m a total comedy nerd, so if you ever want to talk sketch, improv, or stand-up with me, I’m all in. Also, if you haven’t watched Nanette yet, what are you even doing with your life?
Okay, enough silliness, let’s get to bragging! I studied sketch comedy with the Upright Citizen’s Brigade in both NY and LA. I was selected as a quarter-finalist for NBC’s Late Night Writer’s Workshop (you can read my packet here). Sometimes I write funny things over on Reductress.com. My comedy pilot Mission: Mars was a semi-finalist at the Austin Film Festival and 1st runner-up for TVWriter’s People’s Pilot.
WHY YOU SHOULD CHOOSE ME!
In all seriousness, I’m incredibly dedicated to making this manuscript shine. I work in an industry that requires 16 hour days on the regular, so I know what it means to put in the work. Deadlines are absolutely critical in the film industry, and I always meet them. I have no life outside of work, so I have plenty of time to write and collaborate! My pathetic social life is your gain!
In addition, I freelance giving coverage for scripts and as a reader for the Austin Film Festival, so I know how to both give and receive constructive feedback in a professional capacity. I’m open to doing a lot of work on this project. I want it to be the best that it can be. So if you are a mentor looking to work closely with a mentee in a fun, collaborative way, I’m your girl!
In my opinion, comedy is more important than ever. Satire has the ability to highlight the absurdities in contemporary society while making people laugh. If I can make just one person forget about all of the bad things happening around the world for just a little while, then it’s all worth it.
Plus, I promise to bombard you with adorable cat gifs on the regular!
SOME OF MY FAVORITE THINGS
Books
- The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
- Persuasion
- A Darker Shade of Magic
- Harry Potter
- Catch-22
- Children of Blood and Bone
- The Princess Bride (I told you)
TV
- The Good Place
- Parks and Rec
- Brooklyn 99
- The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel
- Game of Thrones
- Killjoys
- Chuck
- Timeless
- GLOW
- Every BBC costume drama
Movies
- Every Cary Grant movie
- All Monty Python
- Any Jane Austen adaptation
- What We Do in the Shadows
- Thor: Ragnarok
- Josie and the Pussycats
- Spaceballs
- Star Wars
- Wall-E
- Ocean’s Eleven
- Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels
- The Princess Bride (do you believe me yet?)
Dogs
- All of them
Cats
- Most of them
Spiders
- No
LET’S BE FRIENDS ON SOCIAL MEDIA!
I’m @Procrastiwrite
Good at Words 